I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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