I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
