You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
