He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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