Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
