so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
