4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
