Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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