some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The struggles of a small town man whore
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
