I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
