Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
