She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
