Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
