Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
