Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
