youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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