i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
