i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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