i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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