I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
