Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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