Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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