New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
