Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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