her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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