I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
