hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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