He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
