she was so not down for the gang bang
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
