Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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