I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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