I wish I could teleport
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
