It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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