So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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