Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
