if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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