I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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