You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
