Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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