I could have mohawked her pubes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
