On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
