I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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