i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
