Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
