All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
