the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
