Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
