THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry about my life...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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