My Higher Power is John Stamos
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
