Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
