weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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